July 19- Jessica Harder

Hi everyone.  My name is Jessica Harder and I am a sophomore at the University of Minnesota.

Today was really hard. Harder than I thought it would be. This is my fourth trip to Haiti, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw in Port-au-Prince.  Driving into Port-au-Prince, I was feeling pretty numb. I didn’t really know how to react and I didn’t really want to have a break down on the bus.  We arrived at the Campus Crusade headquarters in Haiti, and a group of us went outside and started praying. That’s when I really broke down. It’s really hard to imagine what the streets were like during the earthquake when you see what they look like. The people have no idea what to do with all the rubble surrounding them, so it just sits there as a constant reminder of what happened six months ago.

After praying, I thought I would be okay.  But when we entered the building, they started singing “How Great Thou Art.” And I couldn’t do it. I know in my heart that God is good and sovereign, but I just couldn’t tell Him that he was good at the moment. I know all the “right” Christian answers about how God knows what He’s doing, and how everything works out for the best, but right now everything just sucks. There’s too much pain and shame around me for me to say any of those things right now.

So I began praying that God would just help me trust Him through this because I’m having a hard time with it. It was easy back in the United States to make my Facebook statuses all about how God comforted his people through any trial as an encouragement to my Haitian friends because I was so far removed. But seeing it person is so much harder. As I was praying, it struck me.

There were Haitians all around me who lived through this tragedy who were singing to God about how great He is. If they could still be praising God, then I should be able to as well. I started journaling, asking God change my heart. After a short talk, we sang more songs. They played “Blessed Be Your Name.” Again, Haitians were singing along, saying they would praise God when the “sun was shinning” and “on the road marked with suffering.” I knew that I had to give up all my distrust. There is no reason for me to hold on to it if Haitians could sing that. Then we sang “Here I Am to Worship.” Jesus knew suffering and poverty; He could comfort the Haitians. In the midst of all of this, I pictured Haiti resting in God’s hands, and I knew that God was taking care of everything.

Despite what I was feeling, He knew what He was doing and this earthquake didn’t catch Him by surprise. I just have to trust Him that His word is true when it says that God makes all things work together for his good.