I want to thank all of you for reading my blog and just for caring about us here at VT during this very difficult time. It’s amazing to me how it seems the rest of the world has really moved on, as I watch the news and see nothing about VT anymore. A lot of me is happy about that, because I think we all here feel tired of having the spotlight of the world on us. The reality of the situation for us here is that this is nowhere near over. We will deal with it in our own lives for years to come, and in ministry, at least for the next 3 years while students who experienced this time will still be here in school. So all of us here with Campus Crusade for Christ at Virginia Tech thank you for your prayers and encouragement. The students are done with school now, and graduation is only a few days away. This will probably be my last entry for a while. Expect more updates in the fall as the students return. We have no idea what to expect when students come back, but we’ll be here waiting for them. Thanks again for reading.

Tonight was our last Cru of the year. We graduated our seniors and worshiped the Lord almost an hour over schedule! One of the staff said it was the most energetic last Cru they’d ever seen. We think it might be a combination of not being stressed out by school work, and just feeling really united and connected as a movement, as going through hard times usually does. All around Colonial (the room we meet in) were posters and other gifts that were sent to us by people from around the country sending their love and support. I went to Clemson, and some of my friends sent us 2 giant bouncy balls in the mail to my apartment filled with signatures of Cru students and some high school students. The mail man looked quite confused as he handed them to me. We tossed them around the room after Cru for a while. I think the students felt very encouraged and supported. Our campus director, Jeff, also told us that that day he shared the gospel with a Jewish boy who came to Cru last week wanting to know more about Christianity. After Jeff shared the gospel with him today, he prayed to receive Christ!! Praise the Lord for our new brother! It was an incredible note to end on as a movement. We praised God and had fun together, like true biblical communities do.

I went by the memorial on the drill field today. I hadn’t had a chance to yet, and I really wanted to spend some time there. There are 33 rocks in a semicircle right in front of Burress, very near Norris hall. Each stone has a name by it of one of the victims and people have put flowers, candles, cards, stuffed animals, balloons, all sorts of stuff by the rocks. I wrote a short note to each of the 5 students I knew who died, just for myself and my own closure. So I just went and put the notes by their rocks. Looking at the memorial really puts into perspective how many people 33 is. I mean, I’ve heard that number a million times over the past week, but looking at the 33 stones helped me realize that 33 is a lot of people. It sunk in again the magnitude of what happened. There were a few people there too, just looking around, but no photographers (yay!).

On the way back, I ran into 2 guys from Cru. I asked if they were going to class, but they said no, they were having discipleship time and wanted to go share their faith with the people on the drill field. Wow. I was so impressed with their determination to share their faith, even when they can’t do it our traditional way through the dorms. Again, I have been so encouraged by our students taking the opportunity to share their faith with those around them!

ABC Good Morning America
Freshman Who Found Students Dead Believes Cho Should Be Forgiven April 19, 2007

ABC Good Morning America
Freshman’s Haunting Discovery April 19, 2007

CBN The 700 Club
VT Students Seek Hope in Tragedy April 17, 18, 2007

CBS Evening News with Katie Couric
Student Recounts Deadly Day April 18, 2007

CBS The Early Show
Freshman Found Friends Dead April 19, 2007

CBS Only On The Web:
A Room Away From First Victim April 18, 2007

NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams
Day of Prayer (Keeping the Faith) April 19, 2007

TIME
Witness: The Dormitory Murders April 20, 2007

I wanted to share a story about one of my girls responding to the tragedy in faith. Ria, who started this year very hesitant and nervous about evangelism, called me a few days ago to ask me to pray for her friend whom she’d been trying to get up the courage to share the gospel with. She finally asked her if they could get together and talk about her faith in God, and wanted me to pray that she’d take Ria up on the offer. I was so proud of her!! What a step of faith!

There is only 1 week of classes left, and our schedules are already completely booked with end of the year activities and summer preparation. There just isn’t enough time to mobilize any kind of large scale outreach to respond after this whole thing, nor do we have the emotional or physical energy as a movement to take on such a task. So we’ve been encouraging our students to share their stories with their non Christian friends. I am so proud of Ria for taking this challenge and reaching out to her friend.

We received this email from our director, Jeff, and I just wanted to let you know FYI:

First let me say that I am sorry for some wrong information that we had last week. We heard that Matthew La Porte was a part of the Valor ministry which is Campus Crusade for Christ’s ministry to the Corp at Tech. Sometime last week that information was confirmed to us but the regional director of Valor called someone within our staff regionally to tell them Matthew was not a part of Valor. In the confusion of last week and the busyness of each day I was not able to confirm if Matthew was in fact a part of Valor and never got the news that he was not connected to Valor. I found out today from the Valor regional director that as far as we know he was not a part of Valor. Please accept my sincerest apologies for this mistake. Of course we are so glad that we prayed for his family and will continue to pray for his family as well as the other families that lost a loved one. Sorry again for this mistake.

Classes started back up today, though campus seemed very empty. I assume many students won’t be returning to their classes, or at least not studying much. We usually meet with students at a place called Deets, which is a coffee shop where students study and have meetings and stuff like that. So it was pretty empty in there today. I’m not sure how it went for everyone so far. I didn’t get many calls, so I guess that’s a sign that they’re at least okay. One way the Lord has really blessed us recently in preparation for next year is that we have been assigned 6 interns who are seniors currently here! 2 of those were already planning to be here, but the other 4 had other plans, some with CCC, some not, but who feel strongly that they want to be back in Blacksburg for the fall to continue to help our campus pull through this dark time. We are overjoyed for this, especially since we are losing 2 staff families at the end of this year who are moving elsewhere to serve with CCC. This news has been a huge light at the end of our tunnel, knowing we will have Hokies to help us through this next year, and just more people to pour into the movement. I am heavy hearted, and realize that I will probably be like that for a while, but I really am full of hope and thankfulness for the goodness of God and the grace He has poured out on us this past week. That helps so much in dealing with the pain.

I really feel that because of the prayers of the world, and God’s goodness and graciousness, He is granting me an extra measure of grace, energy, compassion, and hope. I am having a good day, probably the first in the past week. I feel very hopeful and thankful to God, and even a little happy. This year has been…well…crazy I guess. We only reported to campus a little over a year ago, and it has definitely been a trying year. The beginning of the semester started with tragedy, as the escaped convict was loose on our campus and killed two people (not students). This threw off our first big outreach of the year, which I was in charge of, but the Lord was amazing through that, and really proved to us how much He doesn’t need us to accomplish His will, though he graciously uses us. I have also been extremely worn out this year as its been my first full year of ministry. I have discipled 8 women, and honestly i’ve really had to push myself to keep going, just being very tired from pouring out. Now this. But its amazing because for the first time all year, I have needed to do ministry, needed to call my girls and greatly desiring to invest in them and spend time with them. I more than want to; I need to, and I have been thankful to get to process with them these past few days. It’s been helpful for me as well to process with them. I’ve been so encouraged many times by girls sharing scripture that has ministered to them, and that ministering to me as well. I’m honestly not afraid of the week to come, knowing that a lot of students may want to talk to me. I am very hopeful in the Lord and what He is doing, and in the measure of grace He will give me to do what I need to here.

We have had two women from our regional team here who are trained counselors who have been a fantastic resource for our students, and the team as well. They’ve met with several students who were interested, and several of the staff team as well, and I think that was really helpful for all of us. I appreciate them because I, as well as the rest of the team, are not trained counselors, so we can’t really counsel the students, only listen, pray and encourage really. That may be all some of the students need, but there are definitely some who need more, so I am very thankful for them. I am sure I’ll be calling them for advice and more counseling as we continue to process and grieve.

VT has decided to give the students the option of going back to class on Monday and taking their finals, or if they are happy with their grade as it is, they can just take what they’ve earned already. At Cru, Jeff encouraged all the students there not to leave Blacksburg until they have begun the grieving process. We’re concerned that the students will just hightail it out of here the first chance they get without beginning to process and grieve, and then come back in the fall unprepared for the new school year. We have been encouraging our students even to just try to go to class, maybe 1 a day, and if they can’t pay attention, just sit there and be in class. We just think it would be really good for the students to get back to some sense of “normal” before they leave for the summer. So please pray for wisdom for each student as they decide what they need to do for their classes, and how to best grieve and process.

Last week, we found that the students really needed each other and they didn’t seem to be reaching much out to the staff at that point. However, we’re starting to see a shift in this. The students are starting to seek us out to talk and process, which is great. Please pray for us for energy, wisdom, emotional strength, stuff like that as we begin another week. I fear things will get worse before they get better around here, and I honestly can’t imagine how it could be any worse, so I have really been leaning on the Holy Spirit and trusting that God will lead us through it all and won’t give us more than we can handle. I really do feel honored and blessed to be able to serve our students at this time in our lives. I love them dearly.

One of our staff’s grandmother’s died today. On top of that, they are closing on selling their house in about a week, not to mention having an infant (who has a fever by the way) and dealing with life at VT at the moment. Please pray for them as they are trying to juggle all of the things their life is throwing at them right now. We confess we are a bit frustrated with God for the timing of her passing, though we know God knew all along and has a plan that is the best, so we prayed for our own hearts. Also, we tried to meet as a whole staff team today, and got a call that another staff’s 8 year old daughter was sick at home, and later began throwing up. We just sat back and said, “Our lives are crazy!!” We also had a few good laughs at some ridiculous things. Mark Gauthier, the national campus director, called us and gave us some very encouraging words from his heart and scripture (wow!). I still can’t get over all these important people wanting to know about us and how we’re doing. One thing he said that stuck out to me was, “For some reason, God has chosen to point a spotlight on Virginia Tech for all the world to see.” Ugh, ain’t that the truth. I confess kind of loathing that truth, but at the same time I am very intrigued at what God is doing, and what he will do as a result of the massive amounts of prayer that are going up for us right now. Also, historically, persecution and difficulty have never been a bad thing for the church. It is in these times when Christianity explodes and we are forced to sink or swim. I am anxious to see what God will do here through this time, and around the world. I can’t see much of that now, but I am trusting by faith that I will.

Cleaning out Lauren’s room wasn’t as bad as I expected. It wasn’t extremely emotional, and there were some dear “grown ups” there who helped us stay on task and get it done, and in the end, we prayed together and left “kisses” on her bed (lip shaped confetti). It was a nice good-bye. I am really sad I didn’t get to know Lauren better during her life. The more I hear about her, the more I am struck at the impact she made on those around her. But then I thought today, that’s okay, I’ll just wait until I get to heaven and then we can hang out again! How incredibly thankful I am for Jesus right now.

I also realized today that I had met another girl who died in the dorms while sharing my faith. Her name was Erin, and myself and a girl I lead, Sara, met her and found out she was a Christian. She played basketball and was extremely tall. While we were talking, a fire alarm went off and we all had to go outside, but Erin continued to talk with us. She told us she wasn’t yet involved in any campus ministries or Bible studies or anything, and I strongly encouraged her to seek that out, and explained to her the impact that a small group Bible study had on my life in college. She agreed and promised to seek that out soon. I realized who she was when I was flipping through pictures of the victims online today. I’m so sad that she died, but I am so thankful I can rejoice at knowing without doubt that she is with Jesus now! Hallelujah! I am really amazed that the Lord blessed me with the chance to talk with 2 of the victims about him shortly before they died. He is so very good.